So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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