I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
