I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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