Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
i used baking grease as lip gloss
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
