I just saw a hot homeless man
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Randomize
