I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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