What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
