we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
