Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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