Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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