Porn is love you can see.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
