So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
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high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
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Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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