Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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