i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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