my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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