it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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