Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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