If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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