just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
