Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Randomize
