we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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