so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize