Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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