Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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