I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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