I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
