Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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