So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
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