im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize