yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
