we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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