I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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