so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize