I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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