I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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