All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
