Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
