i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
