my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize