Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(212): View more from New York

so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."

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(240): View more from Maryland

It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.

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(404): View more from Georgia

I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.

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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.

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(308): View more from Nebraska

And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?

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(248): View more from Michigan

Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up

(248): View more from Michigan

What a great time to reflect on life

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(860): View more from Connecticut

If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.

(1-860): View more from Connecticut

Fair enough.

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(775): View more from Nevada

have fuck

(775): View more from Nevada

*fun

(775): View more from Nevada

actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good

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(702): View more from Nevada

I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood

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