Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
