He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
