also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
