Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
