every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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