Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
