If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
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