4 words: hood of his car
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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