It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
