The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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