this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
