WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
