someone get that fucking seahorse.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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