the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
