Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
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Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
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Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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