I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
