Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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