I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
