From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
