tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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