She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
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I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
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THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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