Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
