Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
