Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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