Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
