ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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