I accidentally had phone sex last night
I don't think brook has ever known best
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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