this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
be right there i have to get my cape
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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