i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize
