Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
