I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
