I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
