Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
It's blow job season.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
