my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
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